Every morning, Tim Timmons (98) wakes up and draws an “x” on his wrist in Sharpie. When people ask him why he doesn’t simply get an “x” tattooed on his wrist, he shares that the practice of writing it anew each morning is important to him.
“The ‘x’ is my daily reminder of practicing the heart of Jesus,” Tim said. “As I write it again, I can see where it faded from yesterday. But I say, ‘You woke me up again, Jesus. Help me join you today.’”
The “x” helps Tim remember to be grateful and committed to Jesus in spite of the heaviness life can bring.
Joining Jesus sounds easy and pleasant, but Tim and his wife, Hilary (97), know firsthand that it has to be a conscious choice. Otherwise the distractions and trials of life can easily get in the way. The Timmonses’ lives have been shaped by their decision to focus on the God who is with them amid trials. They have learned to embrace life not only in times of joy but also in moments of suffering or challenge.
An incurable cancer diagnosis, cross-country move, changing jobs and churches, raising kids, and other stresses of life have taught them to hold grief and gratitude together.
An incurable cancer diagnosis, cross-country move, changing jobs and churches, raising kids, and other stresses of life have taught them to hold grief and gratitude together.
“We seem to be really good at wallpapering over grief,” Tim said. “And we say, ‘Life is so hard, but God is good.’ We go so quickly to ‘but God is good.’ Using that ‘but’ word right there I think is really dangerous. If you look at the context of the Bible, the ‘but’ is not helpful there. It’s an ‘and’ there. So life is really hard, and God woke us up again. Life is really hard, and we can walk with gratitude.”
The Timmonses have shared this idea and their experiences of love, faith, community, and struggle throughout their ministry, which has included church work, writing, podcasting, and Tim’s career as a Christian singer-songwriter. Their faith journey was recently featured in the movie I Can Only Imagine 2 and their new book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief and Gratitude.
The movie centers around the song “Even If,” recorded by MercyMe, which Tim co-wrote. Actors Milo Ventimiglia and Arielle Kebbel play Tim and Hilary and share part of their story.
“I feel like they handled Tim’s story and character beautifully, and it captures him very well,” Hilary said. “I feel like that about my character as well. There were a lot of creative decisions made in how they shaped the story that were a little different than how it was lived in real life … I ended up really loving that because I feel like I get to keep our actual story kind of sacred for myself. Writing the book, we got to put forth the real story and what’s important for us to share.”
“I think it drew out my gifts and [Tim’s] gifts as we got to remember who God has been and who He currently is.”
“Hilary has often said we wish everybody could write a book about their life,” said Tim. “It’s our modern version of stacking stones, and it was really, really beautiful and profound for us.”
“I think the reflection required and the digging up of so many past learnings and experiences, you don’t do that,” Hilary said. “I mean, you might do that kind of here-and-there throughout life, but to have done the whole stretch, looking back even to childhood, was such a beautiful exercise in the faithfulness of God.”
“I think it drew out my gifts and his gifts as we got to remember who God has been and who He currently is.”
Both Tim and Hilary trace their willingness to ask questions, build community, and grow in faith to where their story together began: at PLNU. Hilary was a junior resident assistant when Tim came to Point Loma as a freshman soccer player. They became friends before falling in love.
“College was, kind of stereotypically, the time for me where I had to really question, do I want to hold on to the faith I was raised with?” Hilary said. “And I think so many experiences there, people I met, professors and classes I was in, just broadened my idea of who God was in such a beautiful way. I wanted to follow Jesus for myself personally because of my time at Point Loma. And it was just so much fun!”
For Tim, college was a chance to hear from Christians with different views and to ask questions about faith.
“[Point Loma] shaped me so much because my parents had just divorced, and I was going from this kind of a hard home situation into living with a bunch of dudes on a floor,” Tim said. “We could explore what we really believed about things. It was a safe place to even go, why do I believe what I believe?”
Tim also honed his musical craft while he was still a student, playing both on and off campus. After they graduated and married, Hilary and Tim served in youth ministry in Orange County at both Saddleback and Mariners Church.
They were preparing to wrap up their time at Mariners so that Tim could pursue his music career professionally when their lives took an unexpected turn.
Reshaped Faith
At the age of 25, Tim was diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer and told he likely had no more than five years to live. They had only been married three years at the time.
“Our perspective has been radically changed from a very early time just starting out in life together,” Hilary said. “Because we have had the gift of time — since Tim is still living with cancer — what God has shown us both about Himself and how it’s best to live full lives in the world has come through that suffering.”
Mariners graciously allowed Tim and Hilary to stay on staff even though they had planned to step away. Many friends and family members offered love and support. Although Tim has lived 20 years beyond what was originally expected, as he shared in his recent I Am Second film, the tumor on his liver is still there, continuing to strain his heart.
“Tim will often say cancer isn’t our story, but it’s what God taught us through it,” Hilary said.
“I can choose to get really bitter and resentful and to shake my fist at God, or I can choose to keep my heart open to Him and to continue wrestling and asking the questions, feeling grateful that He allows that,” Hilary said. “I think because I have wrestled with [God] and have felt the freedom to wrestle with Him, and because He has shown me in such a variety of ways His goodness and His presence with me in it, that has made all the difference for me.”
Hilary and Tim have not chosen bitterness or abandoned their faith. Neither have they let cancer define them.
Tim instead describes Hilary as wise, passionate, and a great friend. She describes him as hilarious, full of integrity, and present wherever he is.
“Tim will often say cancer isn’t our story, but it’s what God taught us through it,” Hilary said.
“That’s been beautiful,” Tim added.
Tim and Hilary continued working at Mariners after his diagnosis. But eventually, they transitioned to a new way of doing church that focused on fellowship and community.
“Tim had a really great high school church community, but for me, I think at Point Loma I first experienced what community as you’re following Jesus can mean in your life,” Hilary said.
Hilary had enjoyed mentoring a group of girls during the Timmonses’ time in youth ministry, and both Tim and Hilary enjoyed talking about faith with other couples.
“I think when you’re asking questions together, there’s a way that other people’s knowing God reveals things about Him that I don’t get to see in my own life. I experience Him differently and vice versa. We’ve had so many iterations of that throughout our lives that have changed us. And I mean, the hope is what that ends up being is this re-imagined way of living, a community that’s different from what we experience in the world. That we’re not going to be about more money or fame or platform or power that just ends up making us more lonely. There’s an alternative to that of living connected and following Jesus together. I think that’s what community has been in our lives and it’s taken so many different forms.”
“But then all of a sudden we were in life with people who were in deep poverty, and the things that they taught us, we would never have learned. They were trying to figure out Jesus, and so were we. To do that together … we will be forever different people.”
After Mariners, the Timmonses landed with a congregation that met at a motel and consisted of many people who were unhoused.
“The years of being at the motel community for us were so life-altering because we were in life with people we never would have [otherwise] interacted with because we lived at a certain economic level,” Hilary said.
“But then all of a sudden we were in life with people who were in deep poverty, and the things that they taught us, we would never have learned. They were trying to figure out Jesus, and so were we. To do that together … we will be forever different people.”
10,000 Minutes
During that time, Tim heard someone mention that there are 10,080 minutes in a week. He realized that many Christians spend about 80 of those minutes per week at church, but he wondered what it would look like if they lived as many of those other 10,000 minutes as possible with Jesus.
“Not: what can we do for God in those 10,000 minutes? But: how do we join Him in the 10,000 minutes [of each week]?” Tim clarified.
For Tim, the starting point is to simply give Jesus our attention. Instead of striving or trying to please Him, Tim suggests asking Jesus to show us where we might be able to join Him. That idea has been transformational and led him to launch a podcast and adjacent ministry called 10,000 Minutes.
“Fifteen years ago, that’s when I quit working for God, and I think that’s what has made this the most fun. So once I quit working for Him and just said, ‘I will just join you any day that you wake me up again with this dumb “x” on my wrist.’ So whether that’s me working at Starbucks or that’s me getting to play music and write music or being at the Grammys or having a movie made about my life or being on tour. Any of these places, I just get to join Him.”
Through his songs, his ministry, and his testimony, Tim believes his role is being a “missionary to Christians” by calling them to a new way of thinking about their lives and their faith.
“I get to disrupt Christians and invite them into a bigger story,” he said. “My goal with everything that we do is to invite Jesus’ people to wake up and join Him instead of working for Him.”
“To actually wrestle with God, not just leave the wrestling match and walk away, but to actually continue the wrestling match with God, man, that is rare and beautiful. And to see the fruit of it is even more beautiful.”
As Tim and Hilary have aimed to join Jesus each day, they have experienced much more than cancer and much more than fame. They’ve moved to Nashville, Tennessee, and raised four children: Malia, 19, Noah, 17, and twins Aaron and Anna, 15. They have forged deep and honest friendships with others. Tim has focused on writing songs that can be used as prayers, including “Even If,” the song at the center of I Can Only Imagine 2.
“In the movie, there are a few scenes where I will cry,” said Tim, “even though I’ve seen the movie 859,000 times through all the edits and everything. There’s one scene where Hilary does not write the ‘x’ on her wrist because she wasn’t ready. It was part of one of her wrestling seasons with God. And then there’s a moment where we’re both in the hospital bed, and she ends up writing this ‘x’ on her wrist. And I just waterworks every time because I think of what God has done in Hilary and through that wrestling. To actually wrestle with God, not just leave the wrestling match and walk away, but to actually continue the wrestling match with God, man, that is rare and beautiful. And to see the fruit of it is even more beautiful.”
